i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
