I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
