I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
