You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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