Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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