Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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