That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
