I met the friendliest cop last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
