i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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