And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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