Sponge bath it is.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
