yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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