During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want her autograph on my taint
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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