can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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