watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
