I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
