I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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