So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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