Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
