you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
