Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
