I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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