i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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