i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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