Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
