At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
