maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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