Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
