just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
