i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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