Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
