I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
