he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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