Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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