Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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