We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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