Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
