There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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