I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
