You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
