Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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