Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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