even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize