i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
