no, he came in my armpit
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
