He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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