I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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