My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
