she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
