FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize