Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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