he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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